Overwhelmed by emojions

The digital world has been making advances of all kinds. Things are being made more convenient, more efficient and democratization of opportunity is the buzzword. But once in a while when modernity embraces the primitive, things end up dangerously regressing. 

 

I faintly recall reading that many millennia ago the Egyptians used to communicate through a pictorial language called hieroglyphics. The chances of that script colliding with the rapidly advancing digital world are next to miniscule. But happen it did with, as I’ve pointed out, disastrous consequences.

 

It all started very innocuously sometime in the early 2000s with a simple 🙂. As something that communicated happiness in shorthand, it was novel and efficient. It was closely followed by 🙁 and a few more. So far so good. Harmless, you could say. In fact, in the initial pre-smartphone era, most devices could not display pictures and we had to be content with a qwerty keyboard adaptation of these silly fellows - like :), :( and so on. The point is, the sphere of influence was very limited, it was quite rudimentary and a little quaint. 

 

Initially, when I noticed these funny characters in mails and texts, I attributed these to the sender, depending on the time stamp of the message, being either in a state of inebriation or being massively hungover. Ultimately, a few years after the trend caught on, some kind soul led me to the light and put me wise to what these things meant. 

 

There is usually a period of bliss when you break into a fraternity. This was the era when my mails and texts used to be liberally peppered with :), :( and even :-. I once went as far as to experiment with ;) to denote a sardonic smile. In short, all good, I was keeping pace; one could even say I was enjoying myself.

 

Life has taught me many things, all of which I have resolutely learnt nothing from, but the chief lesson is that when it appears that things are coasting along, you can be sure there is an inevitable sharp bend ahead and, unseen on the other side, two trucks are trying to overtake each other at high speed thus blocking the entire road and the only way to survive is to drive off the road and hope that the slope downwards is less steep than it actually looks.

 

And so it was. With the advent of smartphones, the game changed, the variables grew exponentially. And, most brutally, it all happened in the proverbial blink of an eye. Soon I was beginning to realize that my messages were looking relatively lacklustre. “Happy Birthday Mohit” should have normally met the needs of the situation, but it would be followed quickly by someone in the group going “Happy birthday Mohiiiiiitttt🌹🌹🌺🌈❤❤🐝”. If you were Mohit, you can’t be blamed for thinking that one of the two is excited at his birthday while the other is ticking a box!

 

I did take an honest stab at figuring out these emojis and the wealth of meaning behind each of them. It all seemed so intuitive to my kids but I was all fogged up. They mostly looked quite similar and the differences seem very nuanced to me. I mean, please explain 😣 vs 😖 or 😲 vs 😮… 

 

Not one to give up easily, I changed tack. Punctuation adds power. So I moved to “Happy Birthday, Mohit!” and soon graduated to “Happy Birthday, Mohit!!!”. But my competition was evolving even more rapidly. “Mohiiiiiitttt” had become “Mo..” and there would now be some cakes and lights and balloons. I was being outpaced by sophisticated individuals who had tons of time and the inclination to devote to enhancing their pictorial vocabulary. 

 

Today the emojis are so pervasive and deep, they are actually arranged by categories. By people, animals, vegetables & fruits, and I am not kidding, by Flags! I am barely able to decide when to 🙂 and when to 😀 . To expect me to 😂  or 🤣 is unfair. And then I see an inverted face, one with a halo, another with an ice pack, one with green puke and I just feel totally at sea.  

 

The problem is it creates an imbalance in the natural order of things. Anyone would tell you that the only way to control a situation and maintain authority in the family is when your kids assume you know more than them. And that’s not going to happen if your daughter rolls on the floor, laughing (ROFL, as I believe the technical term is) everytime she notices the wrong usage of emojis. With a POL (Peal of laughter, Ha - bet you didn’t know that one!), she would point out that I used 😞 instead of 😔. Huh?

 

Some people have evolved to a level of mastery over the language where they have just stopped using words any more. 

 

“😀😁😱👌🏼🌺“, they say. Or “🌝🌈🤪😍😍👿🚲🛵”. Sometimes they even say “😡🤨🤬❤️💕🐍🐍💕〠“. No words alongside to help decode. Not even the key to the cipher…

 

These are the times when I wish I possessed the brazenness of a Krishnamachari Srikkanth who delivers the most atrocious Hindi lines with complete insouciance. On national TV, no less. Despite the TV anchor pointedly asking his question in English, our man would lull the anchor into a false sense of security by starting with a “Whaaat machaaan,…..” and then break off into his bizarre Hindi leading to a usually unenlightened, but vastly  entertained, audience.

 

The problem though is that the emojis are now ending up communicating much of the meaning, beyond even the words. Just as the tone and body language do in the world of verbal communication. And here’s the thing – in the physical realm you control your tone of voice and body language. No way you’re going to get it wrong inadvertently. You’re not going to go to a funeral service and start doing the tango. But with emojis, it can go horribly wrong. A “Deepest condolences at your loss 😂” is not uncommon in the world of rapid texting. Technology, which jumps in with alacrity at the slightest opportunity in the form of autocorrect and muddles up my words hopelessly, does precious little when I use the wrong emojis. I type something like “Sorry boss, unable to attend your son’s Upanayanam 😎”. Autocorrect presumptuously jumps in and corrects “Upanayanam” to “Upanayan amit” but looks the other way when it comes to 😎, possibly stifling a smirk in the process!

 

Something tells me this is not a passing fad. Emojis are here to stay. And the last I looked, there was no “Learn emojis in 30 days” on Amazon. It all seems so hopeless…

 

I can’t help feeling it’s a coordinated effort to cut humans out of the mainstream. First came passwords, t-pins and i-pins, that effectively shut you out from the digital universe. Then came the mega scam called KYC, which is routinely perpetrated on an unsuspecting public every few months. Why my own bank would want to know me every so often is a mystery to me. Sometimes I wonder if they mean it in a biblical sense. And with many of us having multiple bank accounts these days, I’m sure you feel like you’re constantly  being known out of shape! Anyway, using the  cunning KYC route they revoke your access to your money. Still, all this so far hadn’t excluded me from the conversation. I may be shut out from all kinds of things but I could still talk, chat and communicate. With emojis, I think the matrix has fired its latest and probably most telling salvo in the man vs machine war. And man is on the ropes. Possibly even down for the count …

 

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Federer – my role in his comeback

I am ready to tell you my secret now. It’s been gnawing at me for a while, knowing that I possess this bizarre faculty to influence events that are occurring in places a few thousand miles away from me and not being able to tell anyone.

 

I’m sure Peter Parker must have felt the urge every single day to climb his college rooftop and scream at the top of his lungs, “Listen up, dumbos!! I am Spiderman!!!”. I can empathize with that. But with great responsibility comes great power and so we all just hold our secrets, quietly performing our miracles in the background without worrying about who gets the credit.

 

Any lay tennis enthusiast will only know that Federer won the third round. And has done far better at Wimbledon than the form book indicated. Most Federer fans, in their utter naivety, will probably attribute it to various factors like the great man’s ability to improve as the tournament goes or about grass being his favorite surface. Little do they know…

 

Even seasoned sports writers will dissect the match, his game and that of his opponent. The sad thing is my contribution in the whole episode is not going to be recognized by anyone – not even my near and dear ones.

 

Take the match against Cam Norrie for instance. For the first two sets, I sat cross legged all through on my bed, not moving an inch, forcing myself to have an ever so small sip of water almost metronomically during every break, with my mobile phone face down to my left and at a right angle to my A/C remote and generally did all the other things that I knew would send the right energy to Centre Court. And the results were plain enough for all to see : 6-4, 6-4. That’s when I had a stutter. A phone call I could not ignore, followed by a sit down dinner at the family table. I pleaded, tried to make my family understand that I had to be on the bed for the critical third set but to no avail. Inevitably, a third set loss. The British fans were getting a little delirious and I could not help feeling a little sorry for them at the beginning of the fourth set as I settled back on my bed after dinner. Slam dunk. 6-4 in the fourth, game, set and match.

 

But before you run away with some simplistic take-out, let me tell you more. The sitting on the bed thing channelized the Chi for the fourth round only. It had to be on the bed, in my room, not in any other room. In his first round match against Mannarino, I’d got it horribly wrong. I started out by watching the match on my mobile (on silent!) as I was on a video call on my laptop and the video was on. The match was heading downhill till luckily the call finished and I was able to execute my game plan. I moved to the living room first. When that didn’t work, I changed my position on the sofa, then stood for about ten minutes in the balcony and finally out of desperation, in the fourth set, I moved to my daughter’s room. That changed the complexion of the game, to the point where Mannarino actually had a fall and had to forfeit the match. OK, maybe I went a little overboard that day, but I believe in competing hard and tennis is a tough sport. Intuition led me to watch round 2 in my son’s room and I was bang on. Smooth!! That led me back to my room for round 3. Now that he has made it to the final 16, I have to figure out the strategy for Monday…

 

It is not just about the room or the position, sometimes even random things like working on a presentation helps in generating positive outcomes. PPT has largely been a positive factor in my life. Not at work, I mean at home when trying to influence a match. Word and Excel though, I avoid. Empirically I’ve found them to be quite disruptive and harbingers of bad energy. You’ll never believe this one - through sheer trial and error, I have established that I can unfailingly change the course of the match when I use this contraption that I have for inhaling steam. I just switch it on, inhale the steam for a few minutes, all the while watching the match from above the rim. It actually produced dramatic results during the French Open – every single time I felt Federer was going flat, I’d do a small number with the device and hey – our man gets a fresh burst of energy. I actually felt very let down by Fed’s exit from the French Open. By the 3^rd round, I was ready, I had perfected my strategies, prepared for all contingencies and then the man just quits!! Usually, the match results are enough gratification for me but considering that I get no recognition and do this out of sheer altruism, the least one would expect is for Fed to at least put up a fight and show up for work, allowing me to do my thing…

 

By now you would have gleaned that the approach has to account for the tournament, the round, the opponent and so on – multiple and complex factors to contend with and I confess I do sometimes get it wrong. Like in Dubai. As for Geneva, I can only say that I was traveling and though I tried to watch it on my mobile and tried a few things like viewing with earphones, then half screen, full screen and the like, I knew these were very weak tactics and so it turned out.

 

Before you run away with the impression that I’m unidimensional, let me tell you this works across a multitude of sporting events. I serendipitiously discovered this capability of mine during IPL 2010. When I realized that my leaning on the cupboard in my son’s room while balanced on one leg had led to that over where Dhoni hit Irfan Pathan for 18 runs in the last over at Dharmasala, I knew I had the gift. I have since become somewhat of a specialist in reading the signs and doing the required activities for CSK. That CSK are one of the most successful franchises in IPL is a matter of utmost pride and gratification for me.

 

Even with CSK it’s not easy, like I said. All through IPL 2020 in UAE, I struggled. I just couldn’t find the right combination of device, room, chair, posture, diet and all the other small things that would have ensured victory for CSK. I try to take solace in the fact that everyone goes a bad patch, but you have to go through it to know how miserable it is, especially when an entire franchise and all its fans are hoping for good results and you’re just not able to do enough to bring it home…

 

I realize some of you may be a little incredulous. To the sceptics, I’ll point to the saying that when a butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo, it could lead to a Tornado in Tennessee. In all humility, I’ll not claim to be the only one who can pull this off. The story goes that when India won the famous Eden Gardens test match against Australia in 2001, nobody moved in the Indian dressing room when Dravid and Laxman were at the crease. Though, as a practitioner I must say that simply not moving sounds like beginner level stuff. 

 

Anyway come Monday, Fed meets Lorenzo Sonego. Italian, age 26, ranked 26 (both 26, is there a message there?), right hander. I need some more data to be able to decide my going in strategy and also prepare my plan B and C. Something about how Federer has been playing tells me I’ll have to dig deep. Let’s see how it goes. A small part of me won’t be sorry if Fed loses. Next week is quite busy. I do have a day job and this behind the scenes work that I do with no reward or recognition can sometimes be quite exhausting…

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The Agony and the Ecstasy...

My love for tennis has a lot to do with Federer. I also loved watching Borg, McEnroe, Sampras, Agassi, Becker and a bunch of others, but Federer was special. The way he moves, that service, the forehand, the delightful single-handed backhand, the sheer effortlessness and so on. The GOAT debate is eternal and you can find a lot to say for Nadal and Djokovic and others from a sheer results and tennis ability perspective. But then you add on the flair quotient : his demeanour, personality, sense of humor, polyglotism, acting ability – remember that delightful Swiss tourism commercial he featured in recently – and you have someone with multiple dimensions. For me that’s what makes him so much more than just a great tennis player.

 

He rode the decade of 2000’s like a colossus, sharing space with Rafa, no doubt, but still dominant in most parts. Then the slump around 2013. And then the unbelievable comeback in 2017! Which is what makes the current run so excruciating to witness.

 

When I saw his matches in Dubai earlier this year, for the first time ever I could see his face red with exertion. Geneva next – brief touches of the magic and then the collapse, a first round exit. I was feeling sick to the stomach. There were times during that match when I just switched the TV off in sheer frustration. The French open was a mixed experience, he played three rounds, did not lose, but was clearly huffing and puffing. On to Halle, a decent first round, a lovely first set with Aliassime and then the meltdown, the exit, the ignominy, the frustration, the pain. I could not bring myself to watch the third set. I was increasingly finding myself not watching his matches live, fearing his level of play and the results.

 

As the circus moved on to Wimbledon, like many Fed heads, I was filled with disappointment with his play so far and with trepidation for the fortnight ahead. Why the hell can’t the man retire? Why can he not move on with grace? Is this how he would like us to remember him? Oh, the agony of watching your heroes struggle!!

 

And then it hit me. Isn’t this the height of self-absorption? Forget my frustration, what about his? Forget what he’s putting us all through, think of what he’s putting himself through. Here’s a man who’s got 20 slams, probably the most glorified tennis player, the kind who would get crowd support even if he were playing the local favorite anywhere in the world! He’s got four young kids, a family, a foundation, he’s probably among those professionals who has a vibrant life beyond tennis.

 

He’s choosing to put himself through this. He’s choosing to go through the agony, fighting his way through the cobwebs, trying to breakthrough one more time. He clearly believes he’s got more juice in him. And if he’s right, it’ll still take him a while to get there. For us to rush to write him of is actually pretty silly. And disloyal!! It’s easy to stick with him when he’s winning. Do we have the heart to stick with him as he goes through the toughest battle of his career? 

 

Ever since my epiphany, I can’t help feeling amazed by his ability to hit the court after the kind of matches he’s had this year. I mean, after the Halle exit, topped off with a kind of mental meltdown in the 3^rd set, how does he even show up for work at Wimbledon? How does he put that kind of an episode behind him? 

 

I truly believe we are witnessing his biggest and most intense battle with himself. And we are privileged to be part of it, even as spectators. He may break through, he may not. But this is what all the self-help and management books tell us, right? Keep fighting. Never give up. It’s always darkest before dawn. And when we see that playing in front of us, we don’t have the stomach to deal with the troughs. If we cannot appreciate the fight he’s putting up now, then we as fans are very unidimensional – Federer is like a performing pony for us – as long as he wins he’s great, but the minute he starts slowing down, we have no use for him. 

 

As far as I’m concerned, I’m going to rejoice in his play. He’ll win some, he may lose many. But watching an aging warrior fight through to see if there’s still some leftover magic is an epic that I realize I’m privileged to watch. 

 

My eyes have opened. I’m a Fed head again!! And a content one at that. The demons of uncertainly and fear about his performances are gone. Bring on the strawberries and cream. I’m ready for Wimbledon…😎😎😊😊

When did the universe boil down to one man?

Man’s evolution in understanding the world around has been a long and a natural progression. From a point when everything around us was an amazing mystery to a point when civilizations began to intuitively figure things out; and then on to the birth of modern science. Through it all, there has been a steady progress in man’s nuanced comprehension of the complexities of the universe.

 

They say genius lies in the ability to simplify things; and we in India, as befits one of the oldest civilizations of the world, have taken the lead in this area and have pretty much been able to fit everything into what I call the BTM-BTM framework. Or, the “Blow to Modi” – “Boost to Modi” framework.

 

When I see headlines that scream “In a boost to the Modi govt, Sensex climbs 200 points” or “In a blow to Modi, the monsoons may be delayed”, I have to wonder what things have come to.

 

Sure, all of these things will affect Modi, but the main thing is that it will affect many of us a tad more than it affects Modi himself. At the best of times, the Sensex behaves like a whimsical dot on the monitor of a patient with palpitations – how a 200 point movement will be a boost to anyone, let alone the PM of a country, is anyone’s guess. Or is it that, this headline makes the mundane grab a few more eyeballs? If the monsoons get delayed, is Modi going to suffer or is it millions of farmers? 

 

But even this is ok – at least these are somewhat macro events that have a wide impact. Unfortunately, we have allowed our mental faculties to deteriorate to the point where we are all polarized and belong to one extreme or the other, even though we have conveniently learnt to draw the ideological centre at exactly the point that each of us inhabits!

 

If you’re still not convinced, see if you can categorize the following into one of the following three buckets – Blow to Modi, Boost to Modi, Others :

 

1.     Petrol prices fall by 2 Rupees.

2.     Onion prices rise by Re. 1 per kg.

3.     Covid cases rise in Kerala.

4.     Covid cases rise in Gujarat.

 

Chances are, you’ve got absolutely none of these into the “Others” category. Pretty much everything is in the BTM bucket or in the BTM bucket. There is no other slot. In fact, things have come to a pass where even the most mundane things in everyman’s life can be neatly slotted into being either a Blow to Modi or a Boost to Modi.

 

Though, the signs of this were evident as early as 2014. When Modi thundered “Swachh Bharat”, most people smirked, probably wondering how Modi was going to clean up the mess outside their house which had defeated their own RWA for the past many years! In fact, the whole thing took on a shape where it was Modi on one side and all the dirt and filth of India on the other – a grand Mahabharat of sorts, where we the citizens were mildly interested spectators…

 

You can imagine what happened next – we walk through the street, note the familiar assault on our olfactory senses and scoff to ourselves – “What bloody Swach Bharat, the guy can’t clean one street, where is he going to clean the country! Hmmmph…” 

 

Similarly with the Toilet program. Both these were cultural in nature – backed by infrastructure type projects but I guess the attempt was to change mindsets, primarily. Instead of which, what ended up happening was that we put out the couch, bought some popcorn and became the armchair evaluators – ending up chalking everything we observe under the head of Boost to Modi or Blow to Modi. If UP builds 10,000 toilets in one quarter, it’s a Boost to Modi. Then again, if Rajasthan builds 12,000 toilets in the same quarter, I’m not sure – is that a Boost or a Blow? I know it has to be one or another, but this one has me scratching my head…

 

Though the crown has to go to Andy Mukherjee when he wrote in Bloomberg that “Not once in the six years under Modi has Colgate Palmolive registered a double digit growth!” By that token, Deve Gowda would be my choice of the best ever Prime Minister, as the company that I worked in for almost 15 years posted its bests revenue growth under his able leadership. In fact, in the year 2001, we posted flat revenues for the first time ever, seriously denting Vajpayee’s claim to be one of India’s better Prime Ministers …

 

At the rate it’s going, by 2023 when my daughter’s class 12 results will be out, I’m sure her performance, depending on where it comes out, will most likely be a boost to Modi or a blow to Modi event! And the result could even have a bearing on how my family votes in the General Elections, 2024!

 

You only have to look at any whatsapp group to understand the trail of devastation this binary is leaving in its wake. I’ve seen friends of many years scrapping bitterly and becoming sworn foes to the point where they are likely to poison the other person’s tea if given half a chance. This happens even in family groups and I only wonder how things will pan out when we all come face to face as we inevitably must at some point. Blood may be thicker than water, but I realize now that it is hotter too. Things got so ridiculous in one group that was energetically allocating blame for Covid-2 that the next morning I woke up to realize that the group members had all left in a fit of pique and I was now the admin!

 

The net upshot is a situation where you either have strident, negative and in a few cases, malifide criticism or unabashed praise and virtue spotting in every action by the government. The space for constructive criticism is shrinking rapidly. The space for constructive praise has completely vanished. 

 

I just wish we can unwind our positions and take a step back. Look at things through the lens of good for India or otherwise. Modi is here today. Someone else will be there tomorrow. We put him there. Not you, not me – We. That’s how a democracy is supposed to work, isn’t it? And if it won’t work that way, perhaps the noises about democracy being in danger are actually true!

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