The Helicopter Citizen

The hyper-monitoring and micro-managing mother has probably existed since time immemorial but was immortalized through the coinage “helicopter mom”. Since then, owing to the fact that their tribe is growing with each passing generation, the helicopter mom has become a rule rather than an exception. Naturally, both the behaviour and the phrase has spread to other domains of life. Hence, the birth of the helicopter boss, helicopter coach and so on. 

All this, while probably undesirable, is somewhat understandable since the helicoptering personality (mom, boss, coach) has anywhere between a modicum of influence to total control over the helicopteree. You could even make a case that, occasionally there could be some good outcomes arising from this scrutiny. But paradoxically, I am noticing increasing instances of helicoptering where there is negligible influence on the subject being helicoptered. Yes, I am alluding to the dawn of the helicopter citizen…

 

Don’t get me wrong. People have always been commenting on politics and public issues, but earlier it was a sort of filling-the-void activity. You do your work, spend time with your family and friends, do all kinds of other things and finally also pass a lazy comment or two on the state of the union. Not anymore. Every time I glance at my WhatsApp messages, I notice a bunch of opinions ranting against or eulogizing something that has just occurred somewhere in the world. And by the time I even have a chance to get caught up, opposing positions have also been taken and a full on battle is raging. At some point, if the storm shows no signs of abating, the admin gingerly steps in to apologetically remind everyone that the group is meant for non-political exchanges. The main purpose, the admin goes on to clarify, was to exchange friendly messages, maybe a joke or two and stay connected. This gentle admonition usually has a calming effect with everyone practicing some deep breathing; sadly, the tenuous and ephemeral truce lasts until the next contentious opinion sets off the whole process again…

 

I have been recently noticing a quantum jump in such unsolicited views and unproductive exchanges as I reach a stage in life where much of my peer group is transitioning, as busy careers gradually give way to a semi-retired life with huge amounts of time suddenly hanging on one’s hands. Many handle this change pretty well, traveling more, developing new interests and stuff; some are even getting into meaningful social and other kinds of public activity; but some are choosing to fill this void by taking to being free, frank and fearless commentators. On anything and everything, but chiefly on politics and governance.

 

Mind you, I’m not making a case to not be aware or involved in serious current issues. I’m more than happy to listen to someone with expertise hold forth on a subject. I’m also more than happy to share my thoughts on matters on which I have invested time to form an informed opinion. A little bit of light hearted banter is also fun sometimes. Where I draw the line is when average people like you and me pontificate authoritatively on what a government or a political party should be doing. I can’t help being reminded of the fact that most of these views are being sprouted by us people who have had probably a decent career and some success; but mostly I remember all of us perennially being quite overwhelmed by our work and personal challenges, making more than our fair share of mistakes along the way. I would have thought we would have finally arrived at our current station in life, battle scarred but ideally a little wiser. Not wiser in terms of knowing it all, but wiser in terms of knowing there is much that we do not know at all!

 

But no. We have strong and unshakeable points of view on the Farm Law bill. On how the government should have increased spending during the pandemic. On article 370. On whether I.N.D.I.A. will work or not. On how BJP is screwing it up in Maharashtra. All the way down to even The Wink…

 

The flavour of the season is of course Manipur. That state of India which most Indians won’t be able to locate on the map. And I’m forced to listen to how it’s so easy to resolve the problem if only the government had been a little proactive. This, from a bunch of us who actually struggled to resolve factory strikes, had to deal with the egos of our small teams oftentimes unsuccessfully and were more often than not delivering a performance short of the committed annual business plan. And these were factories with most things under our control. No opposition. No electorate. Unlike a situation where you have multi-decadal ethnic strife, SC/ST classification issues, a porous border rampant with infiltration and migrants and a strong neighbour bent upon fomenting trouble. 

 

And the casualness of it all boggles my mind. At least one can argue that a helicopter mom or boss would be at least partially familiar with the situation on hand. How we think we can second guess what the government or parties like BJP or Congress should be doing, with probably one millionth of the information that they have at their disposal, is a complete absurdity. So we have to suffer open letters, strategic advice and I-Told-You-So’s directed at people in government and political parties. People who are adept at fighting elections and can play games at a level that we cannot even begin to comprehend.

 

I personally feel a little overwhelmed in all this. My problem is that I’m often in a space where I believe I don’t know enough to offer authoritative and authentic points of view. But not participating at all in the flow of things makes me feel somewhat inadequate. Now and then I satisfy my cravings for inclusion by succumbing and “liking” some post or comment. I must also confess that my insecurities at being in the midst of such intellectual giants has necessitated some change in tactics from my side. What I realized is that many of the WhatsApp groups I’m part of are reasonably free of overlap. So I’ve tried recycling views from some of my learned friends in other WhatsApp groups with pretty gratifying results. I’ve got a few likes, some people took issue with me, but mostly, I’m getting the feeling of belonging. Let’s see how far I can stretch it.  

 

Though, I derive some solace when I study the participation patterns in these WhatsApp groups. The skew in contribution would put the Gini coefficient of even a banana republic to shame. Data shows that the outside of a thin though vociferous minority, there are a whole lot of others like me who are similarly enduring and putting up. 

 

Sometimes I fantasize about achieving Inner Peace by collecting some like-minded folks,  forming a separate chat group and setting a Guinness record for the longest silence in any WhatsApp group. Kind of like group transcendental meditation. 

 

The problem is, the decibel level is only going to escalate furiously as the 2024 elections approach. Whether this peaks then and reverts to some normalcy or whether this builds up to a new normal which becomes a benchmark for the future is anyone’s guess. 

 

It’s all a little bit of a missed opportunity in my mind. Democracy is actually designed for the lazy citizen. You show up, cast a vote, go about your life for the next five years, come back and cast your vote again. Very efficient. No point in worrying yourself about what happens between your quinquennial visits to the voting booth. It has no consequences on how life unfolds. Maybe it’s a good idea to live it up a little. More happiness. Less acidity. Friendships will stay intact. And if you want to express yourself, perhaps you just control the impulse and wait for the next time you are in front of a ballot box. Until then, let’s chillax, folks! Bottoms up…🍻

 

*****

The God of all things

For Dhoni fans, IPL 2023 has been a carnival, a celebration and the wholly gratifying outcome at the end was more or less preordained. 

While the adulation of fans is a capricious commodity for most celebrities, it has always been a linear, upward gradient for Thala, as MSD is now called fondly. He is the man who can do no wrong. Such is the fondness for him that even a disastrous season like 2022 caused not even a minor dent in his popularity. 

 

In fact, I think the average CSK fans desires the following outcomes from any CSK match, in exactly this order of priority:

 

1. Dhoni gets a couple of DRS decisions right. 

2. Dhoni makes a fielding change and a wicket falls. 

3. Dhoni looks so calm even as faecal matter hits the fan at various points in the match.

4. Yes, it would be nice if CSK wins the match.

 

Somewhat reminiscent of the cult status that Tendulkar had achieved in the ‘90s. If Sachin hit a century, it was ok if India lost the match. In Thala’s case, this tendency to put personal achievement over the team is even more pronounced.

 

Let’s delve into the mind of a typical CSK supporter and relive some key moments of the IPL 2023 final :

 

The Toss : When it comes to the toss, captains win some and lose some. But Thala knows a critical toss when he sees one. GT would have also wanted to bowl first, so this was a must-win toss for CSK. And he delivered! What a captain!!

 

GT Innings, Over 6.0, 62 / 0 : Chennai being taken to the cleaners. But Thala is as inscrutable as ever. While at this point most captains will be showing desperation, maybe even letting go at the bowlers, Thala is not giving the slightest hint of being in anyway concerned with the proceedings. He has so much confidence in his bowlers’ ability to think for themselves and in his batsmen’s abilities to chase down any total! What a leader!

 

GT Innings, Over 6.5 : Oh my god, that stumping, Thala moves like greased lightning. Gill completely outthought by Thala. 

 

CSK Innings, Over 6.0 : Powerplay over. Chennai at  72 / 0. You have to marvel at the strategic acumen shown by Thala in shaping Ruturaj and Conway into one of the most lethal opening pairs in the history of the world. And he’s not even trying to take credit for this. What humility!

 

CSK Innings, Over 12.4 : Dhoni out first ball. But look at the man’s face! No reaction, no disappointment. While he would have wanted to take CSK to the finish line, he is secure in the feeling that others will do so; and he doesn’t mind the glory going to them. What a selfless leader!

 

CSK Innings, Over 14.4 : 3 runs from the first 4 balls of the last over. You have to give credit to Dhoni for grooming Mohit Sharma into the miserly yorker machine that he has become. All those seasons with CSK have to count for something. A man who can truly make gold from common metal. MSD the alchemist!

 

CSK Innings, Over 14.4 : With 22 runs required from 14 balls, CSK play out 12 balls and score 12 runs, leaving 10 from the last 2. This is classic Dhoni the risk taker. Sure, they could won with 5 balls to spare, but then where is the thrill? CSK have lost a few matches in the past when they had them in the pocket due to their penchant for slowing things down especially when victory is in easy sight. But no one can deny that they were admirably calm through these losses, an ability that no other team possesses. Clearly, Dhoni’s serenity has rubbed off on the entire CSK dressing room. In any case, Thala knows that winning with a flourish (remember that 6 in 2011 to win the World Cup?) is everything. What a great gambler!

 

CSK Innings, Over 14.5 : That intense calmness that Thala displayed in the dug-out seems to have completely messed up Mohit Sharma’s accuracy. Sixer! 4 more to go.

 

CSK Innings, Over 15.0 : This time, Thala did not even look up. All his faculties focused on the ground, he’s not watching the last ball. Despite his bent face, you could see the tightening jawline, the tense sinews, the rippling muscles and the general aspect of a man who was, through sheer will power, driving events in a certain direction. Why he didn’t do this in IPL 2018 final, where CSK lost off the last ball to a slower one from Malinga, is one of those enduring mysteries of the universe that will perhaps be unraveled at some point in the future. Anyway, poor Mohit stood no chance and strayed down the leg. Match over. The complete man…

 

For the record, the CSK team :

 

Captain, Batsman, Wicketkeeper, Mentor, Fearless Leader, Motivator, DRS King : M S Dhoni.

 

Also Played : R. Gaekwad, D. Conway, A. Rahane, S. Dube. A. Rayudu, R. Jadeja, M. Ali, D. Chahar, T. Deshpande, M. Theekshana, M. Patheerana.

 

Truth be told though, I think Thala cannot react anymore even if he wants to. As Vadivelu says in a film, “Naan Rowdinu form ayittenya…”. Meaning, the world sees him in  the form of a Rowdy, so he has to do Rowdy things whether he likes it or not. Similarly, Thala has now been “formed” as Captain Cool. He is now doomed to be a captive to this image of inscrutability. Even if he may chaff at it now and then, he has to live up to the ice cool image and appear unconcerned with whatever a cruel world throws at him …

 

The good news is that the cup of happiness will continue to giveth. Apparently, Thala is not retiring. Yet. Something tells me that Thala and Srini Mama have more to give to CSK and IPL. May the party go on…

 

However, when all is said and done, while I yield to no one when it comes to deifying Thala, I do think that the great man has to share a large part of the credit in this case. The fact that CSK has dismantled the fancied teams from the maximum city to the Hindi heartland, the fact that whistle podu, a semi-Tamil phrase has caught the fancy of fans across the country; all these point to a larger message if you look keenly enough. This is as much a triumph of the Dravidian model which our Chief Minister has been cultivating so assiduously in Tamil Nadu. And the fact that it scored against the Gujarat model should decisively put the “which is the better model?” debate to rest apart from being a clear harbinger of what’s to come in the 2024 elections…

 

In sum, you will realize that IPL 2023, if you possess the farsightedness to perceive things beyond the obvious, is actually a Blow to Modi (for more on that subject, click here)…

 

*****

What’s the middle thing?

Yes or No? Long or Short? Left or Right? Let’s face it, our ability to call it one way or the other has been seriously eroded. Commitment phobia has pervaded all areas of life. Decisiveness is dead. Ambiguity rules. The answer to most things these days is, “It Depends”. We have even coined new acronyms like VUCA to camouflage the fact that we can’t seem to make up our minds. 

 

It’s probably not a recent thing though. The “Middle Way” is a big thing in Buddhism. Not surprisingly then that, in the land of The Buddha, it has pervaded our lives to a point where we try to land in the everything in the middle. 

 

I remember my initiation to the middle path decades ago, during a visit to the saloon as a boy. Those days, my being at the saloon was an event of some material relevance with the barber having to put in some honest work to earn his keep. Unlike nowadays, when the poor chap fiddles around with his instruments, chatting about the world hunger problem and generally killing time to save me the embarrassment of being done in about 35 seconds. But I digress…

 

The one thing I vividly recall from that day is the barber asking me the key question – “Short or Long?”. Even as my tender brain froze in inaction, I remember my dad chiming in authoritatively – “Medium Short please”. And without batting an eyelid, the barber delivered a Medium Short haircut. This lesson has stayed with me ever since. Whenever you’re give an option to choose from A or B, always go for something in between. And to understand how widespread this malaise is, just google “Medium Short” and you’ll get 2.8 Billion hits!!!

 

Sometimes, the middle thing is hard coded to the point where it’s the only option. If you ask for a Dosa in Tamil Nadu, by default you get what is called a “Special Saadhaa”. For those who are unfamiliar with Tamil, Saadhaa means Ordinary. So, you are essentially ordering a Special-Ordinary Dosa. Which is a happy compromise, I think . Imagine if your waiter was asking you to choose between an ordinary Dosa and a special Dosa. Your mind will be collapsing under the implications of making the choice, the consequences of the choice being wrong, and just the general discomfort of taking a position.

 

The recent wave of political correctness is further addling our brains to the point where even when nature creates a binary, we overrule it by creating a continuum. So when life gives us two genders, viz., male and female, we go and create, according to Google, a spectrum with as many as 5 new genders in between!!  

 

Deal with it – across the board, decisive binaries are being dismissed as fringes and the middle muddle is getting mainstreamed…

 

This strange reticence has infected the corporate world as well. I remember an important directive from our HQ in USA during my younger days. “From now on, we have to be prudently aggressive” – read the missive. As can be expected, this left most people scratching their heads in absolute bewilderment. How do you go about the task of being simultaneously prudent and aggressive? How do you fire up a team in a sales conference by exhorting them to be prudently aggressive?

 

But not falling in line with this new direction, or worse, calling it out, could be a career derailer. In the next performance review you would be branded as “too simplistic”, “unable to deal with nuances” or some such deadly corporate sin, with disastrous implications for your climb up the hierarchy. So whenever a colleague asks you how you feel, you learn to reply, “Aggressive. But prudently so…”.

 

Similarly, during my days in the world of investing, we went through a phase of being “cautiously optimistic”. Which, I’ve been told, is distinctly different from being “optimistically cautious”! 

 

The dictionary pegs an oxymoron as a combination of contrary words that give rise to a phrase with a distinct and a different meaning. Not the case here. This drift to the middle is just a mixture of contrary words that ends up meaning nothing to anyone. Like a calming “All-of-the above” option. A cop out, basically.

 

Today we even have medium dark (did you know there’s an emoji in that color) and medium tall (that’s actually an apparel size!). Tough love is the preferred parenting approach and we’re constantly being advised to make haste slowly. According to some of my liberal friends, India has stopped being a democracy, though we have not yet become a dictatorship; we’re now an electoral autocracy. And in your workplace, I bet you’ve been in many a meeting where the boss sagely proclaims that the answer probably lies “In Between”? Such a cool, safe and wise thing to say, despite the pointlessness of it…

 

When you order food and are offered the choice of “Spicy” or “Less Spicy”, what are the chances you say medium? Is it any wonder that Medium-sized Pizza is the largest selling size in India? And when the waiter asks you if you would like soup, isn’t a “one by two” or a “two by three” soup such a soft landing spot between the two extremes of having a soup and not having one! 

 

In fact, it is so pervasive that there is actually a scientific name for this phenomenon called Central Tendency in the field of market research, where survey respondents shy away from answering either “Agree” or “Disagree” and tend to take solace in the rather tame “Partially Agree” or “Partially Disagree” options most of the time! And don’t even get me started on how much people seem to love the “Neither Agree nor Disagree” response!

 

And here’s a true story; over time I have, through a random sequence of events,  accumulated three tennis rackets with weights 260 gm, 280 gm and 300 gm. No prizes for guessing that the 280 gm racket is the one I use most of the time! I think it has very little to do with my comfort with that particular racket. It just happens to be the one in the middle. I’m sure if I had 3 rackets of weights 280, 300 and 320 gm, I would have used the 300 gm one the most…

 

Things have reached a pass where only two questions remain in the contemporary era with the capability to evoke binary responses. The first is, “Is Modi a Karmayogi or a Feku?”. The second is, “Does the beard make Rahul Gandhi a more effective leader?”.

 

In an age where nothing is purportedly black and white and where the shade of grey is the only point of contention, being specific and decisive seems passe. Nowadays, the key conclusion at the end of almost every meeting is “let’s mull this over”, as if some deep cosmic issue is at stake. And why not? Mulling is cool. Far cooler than if you actually decide and end up being wrong! Who needs that kind of aggravation?

 

This is now a phenomenon which has solid and deep roots and it’s probably best to just go with the flow. No point agonizing. I would advise an approach of optimistic fatalism to deal with it; if that doesn’t work for you, perhaps a change of tack and a dose of fatalistic optimism will bring you some peace…

 

Anyway, I’ve said my piece. You may agree (very unlikely). You may disagree  (also very unlikely). Or you may both agree and disagree with me (virtual certainty). Mull over it…